Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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