yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
