Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
