Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
