Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
