Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
