theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
