hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
