So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
