I seem to have left my pride at pride
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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