Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
