Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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