I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
