I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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