Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
