my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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