I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
