Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
