i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
