FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
