Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
