Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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