the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
