eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
