That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
