Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
