I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
