Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
