I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
