Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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