I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She bit a glass in half.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
