My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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