yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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