the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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