If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
