I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
