I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
