are you so shy because you have an std?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize