she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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