i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
