that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They took my balls.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
