On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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