if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
