Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
