dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
