Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize