You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
