$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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