My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He kissed a someone with a penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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