Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize