Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
