I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize