Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
