i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
