Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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