thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
