Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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