Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
