I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
