But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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