i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
