I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there is puke in my bra ... again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
