birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize