If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
