she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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