Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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