i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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