We're facebook friends in real life
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
