her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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