You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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