Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
